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Posts Tagged ‘assassins’

I’m hearing that business(tourists buying shit)is down all over town…some say 30%, some say 60%.

We have choices: do nothing and whine or do something and take a shot…Mother’s Day wasn’t exactly the economic shot in the arm that the merchants on 5ta were praying for, so let’s consider a few other events.

The Prize

The Prize

We might as well take advantage of the drive-by’s/sicarios/moto-assisted assassinations…why not sponsor the Antigua 500, a variation on Death Race 2000, with the entrants composed of drivers/shooters on motos(armed, of course)with a route running in a circular fashion around town? There could be betting, the Gallo Girls and my personal favorites, the Ron Botran VIP dancers.

Honk Twice When You're Reloading

Honk Twice When You're Reloading

Properly advertised, this could draw some serious Nascar-like fans to town…the faux Harley boys in leather wouldn’t miss it…ok, fine…the issue of live ammunition is a minor stumbling block….paintball? waterballoons? Maybe use some of the convicted moto-boys in a gladiator fashion, kind of like killing a few birds with a few stones…the winner/victor gets his sentence reduced and the also-rans get some kind of medical attention. This would be tremendous payback and publicity for the folks who are hungering for justice…in your face immediate reduction in criminal activity and the prison population. Crime only sort of pays, in Antigua…and they’re off!

Ok..back to the drawing board. Tuk-Tuk chariot style races around the plaza? I can visualize the judges’s stand on the upper level of the municipal headquarters, the starting flag dropping, the beer and hot-dogs…hey…what this town needs is a good hot dog vendor!  I’d recommend taking the canvas covers off the tuk-tuks for the more immediate visual of the spectacle, maybe five laps and a thrilling finish at the Cathedral…’give ’em numbers, a few brewski’s and some fuel additive..sponsors! local merchants?

A certain restauranteurs squeeze is in from NYC for a few days, so if you don’t see the CR, that’s why.

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Further evidence of the decline and fall of  the House of Curry…aka El Palacio de India…their long time core group of Thursday night meetings of the Curry Club were observed  at Pushkar, the new adjunct to Culinaria on 6ta norte…will it all be just another flash in the paan? will they try to curry favor? will they do their hindu/voodoo magic?…its okra with me, either way. 

For those of us who wander the streets,  either by day or by dark, there are a few chuck-holes/huecos scattered about the avenidas and calles of Antigua…and the occasional tourist on crutches as evidence that they’re not paying attention to the obstacle course. I haven’t heard of any ‘slip and fall’ lawsuits but that’s probably only a matter of time. Here are three infamous little pot holes to avoid:

crutch material

crutch material

hole of pain

hole of pain

 

 

 

 

And the winner is….
El Hueco Grande!

El Hueco Grande!

Located a few steps south of el Pollo Campero on 5ta Norte is this mineshaft of misery….
Random Thought of the Day…is there aftershave lotion in the afterlife?
The Assassin’s bike of choice….or is it just macho marketing and they’re taking their best shot?
Honk twice when you're reloading

Honk twice when you're reloading

Last, if not least…the cops breaking into a car in broad daylight?…nah, couldn’t be, not in Antigua.  Maybe they left the donuts inside.
work with me here, Jose...the heat's gonna ruin the glazed specials.

work with me here, Jose...the heat's gonna ruin the glazed specials.

In honor of Earth Day, let us consider a new slogan for the city….Keep Antigua Green!
(bring money)
For the final insult to injury, let us consider the haiku of pastry and pain:
As you ramble thru life, whatever your goal…keep your eye on the donut and not on the hole.

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