Posts Tagged ‘colombians’


1. Heroin, in liquid and crystal form.
2. Rocket fuel and Tomohawk rockets (serious enquiries only).
4. New shipment of cocaine has arrived, buy 9 grams and get 10th for free.

Everebody welcome, but not US citizens, sorry.

ATTENTION. Clearance offer. Buy 30 grams of heroin, get 5 free.

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PHONE 0093(0)4765481
FAX 0093(0)4485291


i couldn’t resist this, which came via my spam filter today…real? who knows? f…..king amusing, if nothing else…the Embassy sponsored citizens meeting of those ripped by BAC or other ATM machines in Gautemalo? an overflow crowd, totallly unlike the February version where three gringos(myself included)listened to lame excuses and Power Point presentations…lame doesn’t begin to describe either event…the 5B lady made her presentation first, showing photos of how they’ve installed metal shields over the keypads, to foil the minicameras…my ass..she almost cried after receiving a ton of verbal abuse..#2 up..Credomatic’s General Manager for Guatemala..dressed in starched/pressed Polo/Dockers/expensive leather jacket..not your typical banker..weird..’send us proof”…your credit card/debit card info, your losses..cha cha horse shit..as if..i gave him proof..Moon Travel’s article, my article..let’s consider a logical question: the BAC branch in Antigua has been the subject, the locus/focus of hundreds of fraudulent transactions, leading straight back to Bogota(which I said to him..a ‘river of transactions)…either he is in denial, hasn’t been told or he knows of this…any way you cut it…as Eldridge Cleaver once said, ‘if you’re not part of the solution, then you’re part of the problem.” If he doesn’t know, he deserves to be fired..If he does know, he deserves to be fired..the branch manager of the BAC branch in Antigua? lo mismo..dead meat or criminal..these bogus transactions have not stopped, despite numerous meetings, articles and international press..Antigua is taking it in the shorts..and where the hell is Adolfo, our o so press conscious alcalde/mayor? is he or his staff taking part in any of these meetings? No…por que? is he concerned about tourism in Antigua? show up, dude and pound the table…a donde esta? it’s fucking ridiculous..a world heritage city, a prime international tourist destination, being smeared by Colombians and lackadaisical Guatemalan bankers…why? the ‘how’ is obvious…the solutions are not that expensive or high tech..in answer to my question..’is the data encrypted?” yes…but to what level? 128bit? he didn’t know..that is old technology and easily hacked..your average 12 yr old can hack these atms..back door, open sesame via Windows XP…buy the key on the web for 10 bucks..its transmitted via wireless…o..perfect..even easier to crack..hey, its only a million bucks or so..to this point..peanuts…I’ve had to downgrade my peanut butter from JIF to a generic brand…screw you…..ok..change of subject.. Ay Robot, new comic book store on 6th avenida, uphill from Davinci…great! the best in Guatemala…Da Vinci? moving stuff to the new location…El Muro’s ‘karaoke night?…at 7, no John, no Max, no Chicago dogs and no karoake…only ..well, not only…Emma and Michael..who told me that is ‘British Week’ in Guatemala..WTF? who knew? do we banger in the mash? ah, those wacky Brits…there was a ‘dog and pony show’ put on by the Brit Embassy about the ATM problems this week..more bushwa, horseshit..Pangea having a ‘grand opening’ for their new lounge on Thursday night..the first level, behind the kitchen…a place for customers(what customers?)to hang while a table is ready…oops..what about the existing bar?..well,they’re gonna move it…make room for the already ‘under utilized’ dining room…go figure..quiet night at Ocelot..Matt B, Brendan B, Plumb Bob, Pat Sweeney…Camilla the gorgeous pouring..Whiskey Den doing just fine..making their nightly nut on a few swillers and making $$..Cafe Opera? Adan at the piano, pricey drinks but a haven/heaven for music/atmosphere..I’ll miss the final/final at Da Vinci and a passing glimpse of the divine Claudia..news of a recent mugging by La Merced..gringa taken for everything, at gun point..swell..more great press for Antigua..go by Ay Robot..they’ve gotta great Godzilla action figure…japan’s next export, glows in the dark and makes your sushi even tastier..is that blowfish? no, that’s glowfish..what next? for me, another round of mind-numbing vodka..it’s been a helluva day and it’s only Tuesday..BAC? ‘Bag All Cash’..bastards..

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Yul Brynner as Pharoah, talking to Charlton NRA Heston aka Moses…too bad Yul’s gone…’be a great Egyptian president, altho Omar Sharif might be a more authentic choice…what’s up with the ‘Net’ and the phones today? slower than the Second Coming…referring to Christ, of course…John W and a new popsie strolling along 5ta norte early, looking for a place for breakfast..’wonder how El Muro is doing without his input/energy? slower probably…dos Reillys is getting their groove back: bar packed, tables full on a Sunday night…good for Henrik…’been a few anxious moments, i suspect..Chez Chris empty…alas..WTF? how much longer, how deep are the pockets? same-o same-o Sangre…actually an apt name, given how long they’ve been bleeding.  Murray! back from Tejas!…told him about the Steve James gig at Ocelot upcoming…Austin folks, gotta go, etc..no, didn’t do the bub quiz: I go to bars not to sharpen my wits but to dull them…and Brendan is  a ferocious wit/brain…in any battle of the wits with him, I’m the unarmed guy..The Mime Index? normal crowd…town emptied out early, car-wise..are H/E and ‘item’?…she’s sounding very giddy these days, not around and neither is he..much..hey, good for them..lotta flowers/candy being passed around today..ephemeral promises but…gotta have faith in the species…Luna Miel? packed..Ixcot the opposite…when are the owners going to count up the losses and pull the plug?..ElCaz italiano’s x-mas lights are still up and i like ’em…a pretty beacon in the night..the clouds came in, the winds blew the dust around and the purple blossoms of the jacaranda trees in the park are perfectomundo..there were some exceedinly tasty latina lolitas strolling around today: my merit badge for the DOM medal probably got a few…what?..Dirty Old Man medal..inspirations..hash marks..the ATM scam continues…BAC, the center of the problem, doesn’t/hasn’t done shit…no signs, no warnings..well, they are owned by Colombians but even so..give the tourists a break(right)an acquaintance was popped today on the right hand side machine(the safe one)..$1000…three charges of $wierd amouts..just like i was…what next? vodka break..there oughta be a Breathalyzer on keyboards/mobile phones, that’s whats next..write an app, please. I may have written something with my fingers that my body can’t cash but I’ll know more tomorrow just how deep the hole is that i may have dug..’it wasn’t me…it was my evil twin brother, Skippy’…Ignacio the Cuban, looking forlorn outside the Condesa..after seven marriages and a recently broken arrangement to play music, I’d feel the same way…maybe the reason the ‘net’ is slow today because of all the re-routed funds being sent to Bogota…not mine..they ‘got me’…




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I had the best of intentions.  I would go to Puerto San Jose, do the charter boat marina, go to Puerto Quetzal for the cruise ships and talk with captains/boat drivers and get the story of being on the waterfront, hooking up those sail fish….alas…the shuttle from Antigua dropped me off at the offramp for San Jose and along came a ‘chicken bus’….hopped aboard, the gringo with suitcase and panama hat, and for 2 quetzals…downtown San Jose!  whoopee…no, less than whoopee…my hotel was a ways further and the tuk-tuks in town are not motorized…they’re pedal powered. ..add 200 lbs of gringo, a suitcase of maybe 30 lbs and the poor bastard had to huff and puff. The hotel, the Posada Quetzal, wasn’t quite what the photos on their web-site offered…a decent pool, good staff but the room I was given was reminiscent of a summer time campsite…thatched roof for a ceiling, bare fluorescent lights and a few bugs..rough wooden floors, no glasses, no ice and no towels: malo…I found a store/tienda across the street that had a dust-covered bottle of Ron Botran Anejo…so old that the cork broke off..half in the bottle, half out..a dip in the pool and a snooze later, I woke up in the early evening. Across the black sand of the football field were the lights of another hotel, right on the beach…Posada de Don Carlos…my kind of place.

I love beach scenes

I love beach scenes

I moved the next morning…my driver w/the 9mm and co-conspirator in nocturnal adventures, arrived about noon. A friend of his called, with an assortment of women to meet…we met, we drank another bottle of old rum(but with a good cork)and retired for a nap before meeting them later at their work place…I assumed, wrongly, that they worked in a club, a bar or such…nope…red lights, nude dancing and propositions of the more personal type…we’d stopped at the store for their last dusty-covered bottle of rum: by this time, the widow in black had seen me buy three bottles in 24 hours….hmm…a serious gringo….off to the club, which opened at 8 pm…no sign, no clue of the action inside…locked gate, admission only by permission…ah, good car, gringo..must be money inside…to be continued..must sleep and rest.

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