Posts Tagged ‘hookers’

pollo de la calles? ever walk by La Merced and see the flock of pigeons?  their numbers were severely reduced on Monday morning following two days of vendor action per the processions…makes me wonder about that ‘chicken’ on the grills?

or if you were downtown in the early evening, ‘purple haze’..’checked into Lava/O’lot about 5 or so..barely moving(staff)and cleaning up from last night’s advanced course on debauchery/bad behavior…Alex of Sobremesa, who’s 3rd anniversary last yesterday, reported that he didn’t close till 3am and even then was turning away people.
yep, folks…the processions are upon us…jezus on a stick et al: i’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…we need Mardi Gras stuff…Brazilian style and not just the Venetian Masked Ball….I’m talkin’ feathers, gyrations and skin and lots of it…yeah, I know that Antigua is sedate, safe and stodgy: the owners of Le Club in the City could easily bring their dancers over for a few ‘twists and shouts’….toss out some airline bottles of Zacapa, not that I’ve ever been in Le Club….well, it’s been a couple of years..my AARP card was declined there.

it’s all okay: the town is packed with weekenders and tourists, the shuttles are shuttleing like busy little bees and last night’s hangover is a dim memory, assuming that any memory still exists…me, I’m outa RAM and there’s no updates available.

‘spoke with my 94 year  old mom this morning(her birthday)and she asked about St. Patrick’s Day celebrations in Guatemala…mum…only in bars that serve gringos..I’m still not sure about Sangre’s semi-opening last night…one would hope that our two magazines who publish their ads got paid…if you recall, the departure of ‘the boys’ left some unpaid bills here and there..and I hate ‘accounts receivable’…C.O.D and I don’t mean Call on Dad..

Robbin of B5 outa town til next week…’been reading Hemingway and the references to absinthe have got me thinking(sic)…look for some kinda hazy, spacy article in a week or so..or call me absinthe minded, as if i had one..

tomorrow? up at the crack of dawn…no, she left earlier…go to town and hound my printer..the sea shipment is probably part of the custom agents snafu…screw..paid shipping/taxes/costs up the ying yang and now this?..arrange a meeting tuesday with the marvelous miss m and sally forth..wait..that doesn’t sound right…was she fifth? as if..its been so long that i forget who ties up whom…or is it who? in my case, it’s ‘what’…good, the meds just kicked in…more pavlov, por favor… one last sordid thought…why isn’t there a Maximon float/barge? think about it…or don’t…Frank! Nim P’ot! c’mon!…por  que no?

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vodka and tonic? yep…an inadvertent mixture, compliments of Travel Menu…t’wasn’t all that bad, just different…maybe if it had a tricky name…thanks to a reader known as upyrarse…yeah i feel the same way some times…

it would seem that the Lent thing is underway…yesterday evening the steps by the Cathedral were packed with dudes in all black, pointy cowls and all…a reverse version of the KuKlux Klan and a Jesus dude haranguing the crowd…why? who knows? I dont…if this town had a different slant, model some parades a la the Carnaval in Rio…semi-naked babes in feathers and body paint…have some local businesses sponsor a float or two…fuggedabout the same old tired draggin’ the barge with the dessicated remains of some saint or the tortured faces of Mother Mary….T&A!….look: it’s the same story, year after year…we’ve seen the movie, read the book and it always ends up the same…ok, fine..

it was/is another perfect day..weather-wise…the marvelous Marvel showed up on time and looking spectacular…took her by Old Town Outfitters…tongues dropped..yeah, she’ll be fine repping the ‘booklet’ of which the 2nd Edition comes out locally next week..you 13 or 14 outlets won’t have to deal with my ugly mug…and the tour bus drivers? roll over, cuz you’l be standing in line to see her.

the old De Bronce store on 4th ave sur? morphing into a….’nother restaurant…idiots..another new cafe on Travel Menu’s block…the golden pelican…hope that’s not their nightly special..Las Palmas and Le Pena del Sol doin’ the large groups(as usual)…5ta snorte packed with walkers/waiters for the procession later(see above for description)…will it be the Virgin or the Martyr? or the combo package? gimme some babes on floats…feathers, beads and bangles…The Rotary Club, dos Reilly’s, Cafe No Se’s sponsored babes on barges…sample bottles of Ilegal Mezcal tossed to the waiting multitudes..small, airline sizes…plastic, so if you get bopped with one, etc..work with me here…Antigua needs a shot in the arm(or the buttocks)and this has legs…think of the publicity…nuns in black habits/garter belts…Cashbar would sponsor something…hey..why was Sangre closed on a Saturday night? staff picnic? the money finally ran out? the renovation of what was Reilly’s next door continues…and no, no idea(as usual)as what’s going to be there..the old Tapas y Tintas, thence the short lived Cuban mistake of Seafood/Mojitos building on 1st calle,near 4th ave norte? getting a massive clean up..exterior paint, roof being buffed out…por que? this town could use a decent casino and strip joint..members only..quiet…dress code, of course…whew…some tasty Capitalinas walkin’ around..babes with a capital B..a few with their dumb little mutts on leashes…the smaller, the better…apparently..’watched one with three dogs on leashes, her old man and she on a telephone…he cleaned up the crap, she kept on talking…’got them all well trained..she obviously doesn’t take shit from anyone..and he does..roll over, dude..

i bailed on the American Legion/Joe’s grill BBQ..gave my donation in $$…too whipped from last night and i had a 11 am with the marvelous M…a much better idea..some folks might think/say that I’m being sexist/cynical about marketing…yeah..it’s true: remember that I lived in ‘Vegas a few years ago..it’s not about the steak..it’s about the sizzle and when you see her, you’ll know exactly what i’m talkin’ about..have the $$ ready..   

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yet again…’decided to back away from the usual vodka…thank you, La Pena del Sol, for the Flor de Cana…what the hell is going on at Cashbar tonight? a giant generator outside, massive electrical cables..Angel, next door at Djinn wondering also…she is such a ‘witchy’ babe…wore the tikka spot tonight..the little red dot on her forehead. On the wedding nights of such Hindu-related events, the groom gets to scratch off the red dot and see if he’s won anything, like a liquor store or a sleazy motel…drum roll, please..

dos Reilly’s doing an early crowd with music…Ocelot humming along with the usual 5 o’clock lush hour group..Robto de Oro and Duane sketching out treasure maps on a napkin(i’ve got one for sale)..barb K in/out of the hospital..minor tumor, if there is such a thing..get better, Barb! we need you acerbic wit/acid tongue…

thank you, scott s…the talk about Peru and the advice about hiring someone with big…uh, ‘assets’…yep..’found her…the first pick who failed to show up on time(even by GST standards)and return a call…later, for you, dude..let’s cross our fingers on the marvelous Marvel…

trying to finger out a way for Jerome of Travel Menu to avoid the casual readers of ‘the book’…gave him an extra copy and a black magic marker…it’s called ‘redacting’…cross out various sections in black ink…buy the f…king t  hing, eh? Sabe Rico and the Cargo Room are signed on for the next onslaught of bookettes..

gawd, what a perfect day/night…this may be the first evening without a fire in the little fireplace in the bedroom..and a good thing, since i did’t pick up firewood today…tomorrow>

the big time charity event at Joe’s Grill in the morning…Ciudad Vieja…25% goes to the American Legion assorted charities around here(all good)..100q, free transportation starting at 11ish in front of El Portal…ribs, chicken, corn on the cob, baked potato, salad, strippers, hookers, lotta drugs…oops..just kidding…wishful..skip the last three, ok? yeah, i’m ‘in’…as mentioned, i’ve heard from more than one person that his hamburgers are superb..

the very very elegant Victoria C working at Jades Antigua on 5th ave norte..night and day…Lex of the Cargo Room showing up early…he liked my long black velvet cape that i wore at the VMB…’told him that he could borrow the brown wig anytime..gotta figure out a way to put him in the next version: is the Cargo Room a bar or a jewelry store?

the exterior of what was Deliciosa on 3rd Calle has been repainted..’guess this means something…you tell me..weird shit #4…got an email from someone who said they’d spoken with me at Travel Menu last night…described the irish barmaid, the book..but the parts of the conversation weren’t correcto…like me describing how i treated my son and his grades..#1..don’t have a son..#2..wasn’t there..#3..WTF?  was my evil twin brother Skippy making rounds last night? nah..he’s still in the Witness Protection Program (I think)

damn…the rum is down to the E mark on the dial..does Meykos deliver? Mono Loco? who ya gonna call? there’s a business plan for someone…Likker Quicker…Rum on the Run…

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nope…today’s El Periodico noting that the cops  nailed another Zeta and that the authorities are searching for Walter Horse Overdick, el capo del narcotrafico up in the hills…no, Horst…Horse? insult to injury or grounds for slander…in case you wondered, o’Dick has a more fearsome moniker…El Tigre…he’s probably armed and dangerous.

‘saw a local big guy in his birthday suit last night, at the Venetian Masked Ball…The Big U, whose birthday party was held at San Jose El Viejo in June of ’09..drum roll: he wore the same outfit last night as he wore for his birthday…the King of Prussia suit…hey, get mileage  outa these outfits…not only do I still have the long black velvet cape/cloak but now I have a tasty brown wig, with ringlets/curls…and a damned good thing i real the small print on the hair dye package…’permanente’….screw that..brown shoepolish for the  ‘stache and beard..the mask? not sure what/where it’ll be appropriate but that’s never been my middle name anyway..

and i did get home in time to partake of the last of the curry dinner here on the ranch…damned good stuff..a few locals here, lapping up the wine and the Jim Beam Black that J finally pulled outa the cabinet..because i was a good boy, cleaned my plate and finished the wine, i gotta splash..and i wonder why i was hungover this morning?

the VMB? lotta new faces, some  old…it was a production, with trumpets, strumpets and crumpets…well, buffalo wings, ok? ‘looked to me to be about the same # as last year, altho many of the older gringo antiguenos had other plans(places to go)..

a new place to go? someone/something is moving into the old Deliciosa spot on 3rd calle…saw stainless steel stuff..tables and such…

ah…my first Gautemalan/Catholic wedding today…started on time at noon and was still going strong at 1:30 or so…gotta have those photo ops..i ditched the reception: the bloody mary at Angies pre ceremony only took care of the more immediate whim-whams..it was a helluva production in the San Francisco church (hermano wierd brother pedro’s place)..music, flowers, singer..Rita showed up in a green Model A Ford convertible and looked terrrific…but the priest? gotta give him points for remembering all his lines but…it went on and on..and on..no mas por me, por favor: i could be a bit  jaded, having said ‘I do” four times…and ‘adios’ 4X…well, more than that, if you include the various ladies here and there..

and Bodegona? WTF? outta limes for the 2nd day inna row? and I’m outa time on the TIGO and there’s voicemail waiting, i’m in the ranch and not going out until tomorrow?…hey, i’ve got charcoal and two of Bull’s famous porkchops to worry about first…if you see Bull with a dreamy smile, there’s a story but I’m not going there…ask him…tis a beautiful afternoon..got the shorts on for the first time: no, not my underwear…shorts…over the underwear..speaking of…Miss E…no, can’t go there either as she’d whup me upside the head the next time she sees me…hmm, might be ‘fun’…red light, green light stuff..


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and proud of it…that on-line newspaper that i write for, www.guatemala-times.com came out swinging with a ripping editorial on the international coverage of the Rios Montt genocide trial…read it…make the sound of two hands clapping for someone with the guts to say that it’s all bullshit…

two old faces(and bodies)back in town…Carlos Tomas who used to be as the bookstore Dyslexia and thence back in some kind city council job in Tennessee..as erudite at they get…talk with him ’bout quantum physics sometime…and that wacky guy, Ryan Wheeler…he you can probably find workin’ the bar at dos Reillys..

Ajamenajou…5th calle, first block west of the park? the signs down and they’re gone…and another apology…Alex Long, not Alex Bell(Fusion)…good christ, how long have i been calling him that? a long tete a tete with Gabi A re the upcoming Venetian Masked Ball…17th, at San jose el Viejo…yeah, i ‘ve been roped(willingly)in so i’ll be flogging(so to speak)it…whew, the stories about her mistreatment at PV…which i’m hearing from other sources is having some $$ difficulties…always seemed to be a somewhat dysfunctional arrangement…

John Mellen of Epicure? back from San Francisco,where he loaded a container on a ship headed this way(with a couple boxes of my books)..due in mid-month..but in the meantime, the first print run is scheduled to hit the streets friday…25 are pretty much gone but the other 25? half gone(like me)..thanks, Bill Ipsan for buying the first copy of this run, sight unseen…a, another ‘only in Antigua’ story…his art store on 2nd calle, same block as INGUAT, within visual distance of at least two churches..landlord wanted him out, so he could open a liquor store(done)…wasn’t there some kinda law about this? humph…

rumor has it that it’s gonna be colder than usual tonight…brrr..i’ve sent out for firewood or two plump women..whichever starts first..Ocelot? packed again on a wednesday night? yep…locals/snowbirds and turistas…how? how the hell do i know?  

and a misquote…typical…gautemala was described as a ‘branch office of hell’..re the drug business…ran into Ricardo of T&V…Marvels’ still around…she had a problem showing up for work on time but now she doesn’t have that ‘problem’..adios…baby…so there’s a slot open…a job, you ninny..a job..the VMB is still looking for an auctioneer…a certain person who’s name rhymes with Fargo…faded…didn’t want to forsake the friday night ‘take’..($)

yeah, i’m ‘in’ as the immoderate moderator..gotta get some wear outa the long black velvet cape from Ball#1…the mask? long gone…a new one is being made…tickets? here and there, with more locations to be added, as well as masks for sale..no word if there’s any Bill Clinton masks..tickets at the door as well as masks, for the last minute folks..and finally, starting Friday there’ ll be copies of the ‘book’ at various places…more next week and so on..this process is new to me…but i’m getting there..patience, prudence..thanks for your kind words..i’m honored.

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but no white sport coat…yeah, i’d thought about putting on the brocade chinese smoking jacket but it wouldn’t have made any difference..the first event i get invited to and i’m a day early? yep…shaved, dressed and reasonably coherent, armed with witticisms, anecdotes and a bottle of cheap red wine..fie..fool…tomorrow night…

so…another stroll into the burg we call home and a perfect night…a crescent moon, jupiter  nearby…Fuego! blew stuff high this morning…Bull says we’re getting earthquakes by the swarm…funny, i don’t feel a thing(good meds)..Ocelot had two new faces behind the bar tonight…Marty the Aussie in the crushed cowboy hat, last seen working at Ricardo’s Tabacos y Vinos….Neil kinda cracked up when i mentioned that i’d like to trace the tattoos on the babe at the bar with my tongue..hey..why not?

one of my personal  pleasures in this town are the experiences traveling by the expats here..sitting outside on the patio with Reed, Brendan, Mike and ‘the other guy’ you realize that we all have seen most of the known world, sometime and somewhere..’trying to think of someplace not visited…Bumf..ck, Egypt?

the new Braulio in what was Pangea? giant sucking sound heard…Lava ground zero for an amazing parade of babes…ah, if i were only…50 or 60 years younger..Jean-Marc holding down the doorway at dos Reilly’s(quiet, at least early)..’think i’m goin’ to hell…ate 2X at McD’s today…why? once early, thinking of a 6:30 dinner engagement, then leaving town, knowing that there was zero food in the house..aside from vodka and orange juice…not part of the four basic food groups.

the new chocolate museum on 4th calle has an amusing act…kinda performance art stuff..the guy in the chef’s hat, a toque?  no, not a toke…there’s a wave of cruise shippers coming to town this and next month..the mayan ladies have their schedules memorized…and don’t expect any italian ships…they’re kinda upside down right now.

go Luis! in the booklet, under Tour Guides, I mentioned him by name/phone number..now that he’s an official guide for INGUAT, he’s driving the freaking tour buses in from Puerto Quetzal….hello!..fill in the blanks, if you need to…he’s stoked, i’m jazzed…thanks again, Rich N, for your help on Monday…

John Rexer’s Ilegal Mezcal? included in the swag bags at Redford’s Sundance event!


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the weird turn pro” Hunter S. Thompson, RIP..except in this case, the wierd just went a few notches off the scale. Case in point: Pangea is now morphing into some kinda sports bar…the restaurant area and outside patio? draped in fags..no, flags of various nations and a dart board set up inside the restaurant area…WTF?  add in the cute signs and this is looking like some kinda bad fraternity basement bar..o well..not my problem nor my $$..Nelson had a gig there tonight, followed by a second shift at Ocelot….hey,work is work and in this town/economy, take the $$ and run..

the 5 o’o’clock lush hour at Ocelot keeps on keepin’ on…yes, i contribute…and then it all moved to Travel Menu, where this is the last night to see Kate, who leaves for a return to school on sun/monday…and a great future…place packed..Neil the C, Plumb Bob, Allan at the wheel and the unusual suspects..

Marc and party up at Lava…one guy wants to import firearms…no way, jose…fuggedaboutit…buy something hot or go thru the new rules at Digicam…buy a ‘throw-down, with a box of ammo and drop it when you have to..Town rockin…but emptied by 7ish…Ricardos’ T&V packed again…minus the Marvel..Casbah ramping up, even a few inside Sangre. I have a new appointment for the place on 1st ave sur…cross your fingers, legs or whatever digits remain..the book continues to sell every day, back on Amazon.com with new features…


and i’m shipping via boat and air…’dodging customs agents(of course, what did you expect?) just like taxes,i hate paying duty fees and i’ve always love smuggleing..smuggling? who cares, its the concept..where’s Robto de Oro? he was seen by MDC in the park…but not out in the evening, given his usual watering holes…the “general’ left town today…the fake general…the captain who promoted his rank along the way…this town…chisme…i truly love/enjoy this place…never dull, boring or unexciting…

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