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Posts Tagged ‘horses’

’tis a quiet…wrong…tis a fire-cracker/mortar shell Sunday, probably another fiesta day in honor of St.Saltpeter(an ingredient in gunpowder for your trivia collection).

The Last Mezcal bit…it makes a dandy margarita, although should that be known as a ‘mezcalita?’…I’ll have to get back to you later on that one…guacamole follows shortly…ah, more trivia!….avocado is the gringo word for aguacate….which is the nahuatl word for scrotum..use that one at the dinner table next time you’re in stuffy company(and they’ll never call you again)….or you can follow up the line with….’what do you call four mexicans in quicksand?’…..quatro sinko…equally good at alienating latin folks.

Sign of the times?

The menu of despair

The menu of despair

Great prices! …it would appear that those holding Sangre’s bag(the group of employees who took it over)are resulting to price wars…hey..nothing else has worked: the saturday night music, the low-cut blouse or the doormen on the street trying to snag passers-by….what would YOU do to turn this place around?  tiki torches, hawaiian music and babes in grass skirts? free condoms? free dildos? a raffle to see who goes home with the waitress? work with me…

and a favor for a pal…Beppe wants to buy this horse but he wanted me to act as the ‘straw buyer’…the gringo from the States who doesn’t know which end of the horse is which…however, I’ve had horses and I know horse shit when I see it but…it was a favor and it was a slow Sunday…so, why not?

Saddled up and ready for the parade

Saddled up and ready for the parade

she was only the stableman’s daughter, but all the horsemen knew her….repeat slowly…yep, that’s exactly what it sounds like.

Margarita and Lucia

Margarita and Lucia

the pneumatic Margarita has returned to the fold, at least for the moment…I get a sense that some of the excitement has worn off…maybe the horse is a replacement. Probably cheaper and the beast responds well to a whip and spurs(don’t go there)…this being a ‘despacio Sunday’, this is as good as its going to get…the blender is calling, the avocados are awaiting their messy fate and the artillery has subsided. 

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Sorry…no ‘working girls’ in this version…only buggies…whips, yes…I know your tastes.

Our less than elegant coaches

Our less than elegant coaches

So…the carriages been banished to the dirty and dusty end of 4ta Avenida, because they wouldn’t pay to wait by the east end of Tanque Verde…exactly how much revenue would this have created and would any of  you would have ever received any kind of accounting? Another case of stepping on your ….k,  dumb, in other words.  Granada, perhaps the closest thing Antigua has to a sister city, prides themselves on ‘their’ horse-drawn carriages, which not only are much superior but are allowed/encouraged to park on the square, in front of the best hotels.

a better ride and a nicer coach

a better ride and a nicer coach

Excuse me for asking but…its kind of like the difference in the quality/condition of the tuk-tuks in ‘Pana vs Antigua…yes, I know the mayor of Pana owns 50 or so and that he reduced the number of such from 180 or so…hmm, is there a connection here?  nah…coincidence, pure and simple….maybe if there were unions and union organizers…strikes/shut-downs/disruptive behavior?….I doubt it…the horses can’t write nor sign a ballot: wait a minute…stamp your hoof once for no and twice for yes?

Lord of the Rings

Lord of the Rings

‘seen all over town, if you happen to be close to the curb(post mezcal)are these metal rings…some are in motorcycle zones but most are not…can anyone explain the use thereof? tying one’s horse while having a stirrup cup? keeping an eye on that pesky slave you just bought?…ah..when the rains really hit and the streets are flooded, it’s a place to tie up your boat.

passion's discards

passion's discards

I’m shocked! Sex in the City?…maybe I don’t walk down the calles of carnal conviviality or if I do, I’m oblivious…yes, we’ve got the lovers in the park after dark and the few couples entangled in their Hondas but I’ve never seen any evidence of….how to say this….caramel knowledge(hint hint)as one might see scattered on the sidewalks of any other city, those balloon-like things..usually sold by the cash register in the drugstore, if that’s a clue. We can do without the used syringes, thank you very much, and the shell casings and the crack vials.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day

The drums of Mother’s Day are pounding, as the retailers stock up on cheap Chinese-made wierd shit and outside of Bodegona, the liquor and champagne is being delivered by the truck load. One might assume that this is intended for the festivities, events and cultural rites of this fair country. I, being a transplant from the Great Satan, am used to other holiday rituals…the greeting card, the obligatory flowers, a box of chocolate, a brunch with mimosas, half an hour with the in-laws and the nap/ball game…more rum, Mom?

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What the hell was I thinking?

What the hell was I thinking?

Ok..fine, the last day of incense, Romans, countrymen and purple dudes…there was even a purple Barney figure at the fountain in Central Park but I couldn’t figure out if there were any religious connection…’bless you Barney, go forth and grin no more?’

It appears, from the wastes on the streets and the corners of buildings, that Antigua is short on public rest stations, aka Porta-Potties…no shit, you may say..well, out of my door, there’s plenty to go around….the horse-drawn carriages have to retrofit their caballos…you know, those white plastic butt-bags? If that’s so important to the civic pride of this fair burg, then perhaps something for the errant caballeros whose leavings are left in the dark corners of the calles? ‘a tasty logo, a catchy slogan and a designer-quality plastic bag? There’s a PR campaign just waiting to happen: “I Left My …… In Antigua”..perhaps Ricky Martin…”Living La Vida Ca-Ca”?

The Unknown Restauranteur, heading back for the Big Apple in a few weeks(ain’t love grand?)is thinking seriously of closing his business next year during Semana Santa. Per the UR, the parking/people/’can I use your bathroom’ requests don’t make staying open particularly attractive. Yes, he’s at Ground Zero for the processions and the business is good but the headaches aren’t worth it….cold Fusion ought to glad to hear this, since even they have been seeing customers(a rare sight).

The Hunchbacks of Antigua

The Hunchbacks of Antigua

Does this qualify as child abuse? Can you say ‘double hernia?’ ‘Jesus Christ! this sucker is heavy.’ They should have known that Jesus is a heavy dude…and lastly…

All Hail the New Moto Law!

Right…another law on the books to protect people from themselves, improve the quality of life and make Guatemala the envy of the civilized world…No More Than One Person on a scooter/motorcyle! right, as if…let’s see…we’ve got the ‘no cell phone while driving rule’, and a few other asinine uninforceable rules and regulations…visualize this: the usual three people on the Piaggio, one smoking and the other on the ‘phone…forget about helmets: ‘up against the wall, hands in the air’…oh, and its a 1000 q fine. Next month there’ll probably be a restriction on how many people can ride in a pickup truck(I saw 12 this morning…four in the cab, eight in back) Where are the police?  (‘knocking back latte’s from the Condesa) 

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