Posts Tagged ‘rum’

I’m indebted to Rob aka Plumb Bob, Alabama Bob etc for the above reference…referring to the reincarnation of Dale Earnhardt in the persona of Tom M, whose 96 Mercury Cougar(and us)passed everything but gas stations on the road to Quirigua a couple of days ago…my undies have been rinsed/washed and all is good again. The trip? most excellent..saw some villages not on any map, ate the best food i’ve had in this incredible country, smoked some of this and that, took some stuff that A-Bob shared, make serious inroads into Ron Botran 8 year vintage and got to see Quirigua again..been since ’09 for me and how the hell that Jades S.A finagled their own retail store in the museum is just another question…

‘clambered up/down the massive steps at the Acropolis(Quirigua-speak)for the main temple…look, i’ve got a 36 inch…inseam…meaning42 inches of leg from hip to ankle and I had to stretch, sweat and hike up/down…how the hell those little Mayan dudes made it up/down is beyond my comprehension (like most things, they say)…this morning, my gluteus maximus (butt speak)and quadriceps femoris (thighs) were having words with my brain…did that stop me from going out this morning to the most superb site of a great NGO called ‘From House to Homes’, out in ‘Aguas Calientes, up some narrow alley and then hiking some 200 feet up a steep washed out dirt trail? not no, but hell no…these guys(FHTH)are the real deal, building little concrete block houses for $1750, using volunteers from all over the planet and doing exactly what they promise…yep, there’s an article or two coming outa this, plus the aforementioned excursion to Guano/Guana/wtf? with mike D(he leaves us monday)senor Wheat and Tom Richard Petty Martin…the working title is “Four Pigs and a Land Rover”….thanks to Dale Petty, we returned to Guano for lunch at some hidden mecca, where they served tortilla wraps, aka churrascos…large freshly made tortillas, lightly crisped, filled with beef, green onions, cheese, vegetables..tasted vaguely like a chinese thing(food) and totally irrestible..yeah, i think i could find the place again…

Caffe Bourbon? closed on a Thursday night? por que?…the wandering minstrels we know as mariachis were poised in front of TacoDispenso tonight…no word if they were free-lancing or paid….great conversations, as always at the 5-6 ‘drink ’em quick’ hour at Ocelot..drug talks…yes, there are old timers in the ‘biz’ in northern californicate..yes, i know some of them…yes, a friend’s LSD lab was about to be busted, so he ‘gave’ me a paper bag full of 7 million hits of acid…fine..thanks for creating large scale paranoia…to make a long story short, the eternal question, never answered…’how many hits in a teaspoon’?…’never, ever lick your fingers..’

and it looks like there’s a second parting of the ways:despite two explicit emails, texts and exhortations to ‘go out and sell’ as requested by the party of the first part, a box of 25 copies and so on…’another failure to communicate’…alas…she was a visual treat and did get me into the largest book store in the City…but…o well…it’ s Chinatown, Jake…as i’m wont to say from time to time..if nothing else, Equal Librium for all!


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phrase compliments of H.Ross Perot…and where the hell is he? this phrase is in reference to the new Prez Otto, who came out yesterday advocating decriminalizing…drum roll…drugs..since the YouEss of A is the world’s biggest Hoover of blow and meth, consumer of weed and other pharmacological wonders, you gotta wonder…imagine if stuff were legal and taxed? $$$erious dent in the deficit….add penalties like there are for DUI’s but not for possession…the speed freaks die sooner or later…imagine the ad campaigns! Coke: the Real Thing!..Classic Coke…stepped on ten times..is the Big O on board with Mexico(12000 dead in 2011)and Colombia? or is this just a cynical ploy to be coerced into fighting the War on Drugs with those DEA idiots and looking for toys/$$ to sign up? either way, a very bold statement…

the sunsets here are so very short…a flash of orange tinged clouds at 6, gonzo by 6:20…but, better than none at all…Santorini, Hawaii and Arizona…even Manuel Antonio in Costa Rica…the park, the park…the space next to Fusion on 4th calle is getting rehabbed…lotta roof damage and they’re hoping to be open before Easter/Semen Santa…perhaps a bit of a ‘cultural center’ in back..the newly opened Chocolate Museum across the street is getting traffic(foot)…

this Sunday: Finca Azeotea…Azotea…whatever…champagne brunch, 300q per, seth monfort on piano, for a brit ngo children’s foundation…three course lunch/brunch and no, i don’t know what time it starts cuz the embassy didn’t specify it…


for those who spaced/missed this, there were two…yep, 2!, five star reviews of Our Man in Antigua on Amazon.com…as mentioned, i learned to write for my audience a long time ago and this is perfect for eight grade level, two syllable words and the short attention span theatre..and yes, that could well describe me…as usual, the 5 o’clock Lush Hour at Ocelot attracts the evening crowd of assordid animals…’missed it tonight but last night? packed, up and downstairs…the ever delightful Ms E reminding me that I’ve promised to take her shooting…well, i had but the Antigua Shooting Range never quite made it, other than the back page of La Cuadra…’still gotta 100 rounds and a clean, well-lighted..no, well oiled little Beretta that needs to let the hammer fall a few times.. a long time ago, the elusive, seldom seem JR offered a trip to some ‘range’…he’s gotta be around, because the Pirate Radio Guy found him and now has an antenna for broadcasting locally…a whip antenna? sorry, san francisco humor…red light, green light, et cetera..

The new version  of the Venetian Masked Ball coming next month…Ms  A the Delightful and Mona Rose doing it…wonder if PV is missing Ms A? they should…they’ll never find anyone better…the usual crowd of gringos in the park returns from Nicaragua tomorrow…some kinda american legion whoop-te-doo in Granada involving commanders, salamanders and colanders….I passed this year: the 12 hour bus ride from San Salvador to that hell-hole Managua isn’t even tolerable with serious meds/rum/headphones…the on-board videos are crap and the….well, that’s just my opinion…i’d rather go to San Salvador, eat well, slurp some 7 year Flor de Cana and check out the new dancers at Lips (field research)…happy fin de semana…we made it thru another week, more or less. 

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I recently heard a version of events involving someone that I’ve always liked: let’s just call him Pirate John and I don’t think he’d mind that tag, since that’s been his persona here, there and a few other places. A few weeks ago I was stunned to hear of his placement on a certain list known as Interpol, involving shenanigans in Roatan. If you’ve spent any time on that pirate base, you’ll come to the conclusion that piracy is still alive and well there. The politics are incestuous, the attorneys avaricious and people get away with murder. Take the case of a well-connected local named Danny a couple of years ago: he’d warned a local small-time crook nick-named ‘Bin Laden’ to stay out of his property. ‘Bin Laden’ apparently took this as a personal challenge and returned one fateful night to steal a few more coconuts. Danny promptly shot him seven times, once for every purloined coconut. While ‘Bin Laden’ lies six feet under, Danny freely drives around and he’s regarded as a pillar of the community. This concept of ‘community policing’ and modern day piracy may be what’s been going on at the West End, where “P.J” used to live and develop condo projects. Once removed from the scene by moving to Antigua, where he established roots and a couple of businesses, it seems like the time was ripe for a corporate raid or two by a few islanders who smelled blood. It’s an old story, set to a reggae beat: lawyers, false documents, fake warrants and nearly a clean sweep. Now armed with new and hopefully more honest attorneys, this week may see some light at the end of this nightmare. There supposedly is a settlement to be made, after which the legal clearances will clean up what appears to be a very dirty trick. Roatan is a law unto itself, and they don’t consider themselves part of the mainland. There’s a curious law on the books, where if a resident is over 65 years of age, they can’t be sent to jail, for anything.  Just don’t leave the island with any money left on the table. I’d like to believe in a happy ending but the twists and turns of Latin legalities are always surprising. This is just one more twisted tale of modern day piracy.

2. interview with the newly arrived Mexican belly dancer (with photos)

shakin' at Gaia this week

she’s gotta lotta hidden talents…more tomorrow but if I were a bar owner, I’d  be talkin’ to her..

3. Nim Pot`s x-rated ex votos

4. the insidious secret of el muros`Twisted Tuesdays 

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no, not the speedy checkout line in the men’s room for 3 inches or shorter…my route of the night when the rains started up again and the cheapo 20 q chinese wonder-brella is only good for 15 openings before it self-destructs….or if the winds are more than 5 knots and it turns inside out…trivial thought…the venerable Monopoly game has four railroads: the Short Line, the Pennsylvania and the Reading…WTF is the 4th RR?

weird economic winds blowing thru this town: with the recent closure of Deliciosa, the Colonia deli on 7th ave, between 2nd calle/3rd calle is looking stronger(they’re smiling, it that’s a clue)…Epicure’s down to one location and …jeez, having a ‘senior moment’…the deli next to Pushkart…wtf? their shelves are still shrinking, content-wise. And yet, flying in the face of fate if not good sense, yet another restaurant opens on 7th ave..near the Colonia deli and named as if they have a clue: Leyonda Antigua…Antigua Legends…’give ’em a 30 day shot at it.

another casualty, and not good in my world…Da Vinci’s down to dos Claudias and the statuesque version doesn’t seem to be on the payroll anymore. And the beet goes on, now that she’s not on celery anymore, so lettuce change semaphores..why would one ‘joint’ that offer’s all the mojitos one can drink for 60q not sell any and a nearby ‘joint’ see 36 on a Monday?…weird winds of fate blowing thru, i tell ya..’talkin’ up Brendan B’s PayPal idea for local bars/eateries..point of sale, transfer the $$, take some change and more likely buy another round: the catch, according to one bar owner is that Guatemala is on some shit/black list for PayPal re deposits here…don’t know but I use PP, per BB the Buddha Bar at the Lake does, and so on..my PP # goes to a US bank, btw..if one could work out the logistics/kinks for the depository country, this could be a bonus round for some businesses here that cater to tourists.

Thanks, Hector, for pronouncing Rita-Hey-You over and over…slow motion, watch my lips…duh..my ‘language chip aka genetic markers’ isn’t working..i’m off(but you suspected that)in the morning for Rita whatever and Take-a-Lick Abaj for several days…get down in the dirt of a Maya site, check out the nightlife of Rita*WTF…and thanks to Lori S of GuateMedicalTourism, for turning the night into an Antigua version of a TupperWare party…’whipped out little ziplok baggies of Canadian mojo weed, passed ’em around and…no, i haven’t ‘road-tested’ the contents yet, at least not so far…Matt B! comparing our experiences at the superb Hotel Nacional iin Havana and the Vista del Golfo bar where they whip up…no,  stir/crush, swirl the original mojitos..two drops of angostura bitters, lotta sugar, lotta mint..’spent many an afternoon/evening in that spot..or on the veranda, whiffing a Montecristo #1..cuppa cuban espresso, shota rum…’maybe hit the el Gato Tueto across the street, Dos Gardenias, El Aljibe for dinner…ah, Havana..christ..’been 3 years since the last….met up with a lady from Carmel named Nola Rocco…’did the show at the Tropicana…ah, Nola…we were never meant to be…too Hollywierd, wearing her ‘movie crew/ jacket’ to bars in Carmel..yeah, she’d just made a movie there but it’s Carmel, for gawd’s sake..my old pal, Myles, had the starring role…f…king ham, but we all knew that going in. We were in Injah together, btw…riding around in tuk-tuks, circa 1978…weird weed there..

‘since i’m on the road til friday or so, this will be the final final til i’m back…enjoy your week: and what was/is the 4th RR in Monopoly? dos Reilly’s doing a big crowd at 8 or so…good for Henrik…las palmas empty, same-o for Polio Campero/Taco Discontento…Chez C doing tables, DV empty…wierd traffic flow..and that tienda next to el gato negro? the only joint in town with my brand of honduran pall malls..not even bodegona..wtf? ah, relax, jake..it’s chinatown.

lastly if not leastly…leastly? i’d checked out tour agencies last week for the ‘run’…got some quotes and then thought..’why not give someone I know the business?’…3 days later and a quote double everyone else’s, i bailed and went to the pro’s…Voyageur on 6th ave sur, next to the DHL office…jeez, babe..if you’d thrown in the rental car, i’d paid for everything else..maybe..as long as ‘what happens in Rita-hell-yes stayed in Rita..


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over/under? over, I s’pose…by the time you read this, they’ll be closed/gonzo…another biz bites the dust in Antigua. Deliciosa on 3rd Calle actually ceased retail Thursday and by Friday, the shelves were mostly empty: if you knocked on the door, you could browse thru the remnants of what was a great local store for odds/ends, last minute supplies and so on…various reasons given by various Antiguenos but there’s no reason to fan any fires of chisme…oh and Father’s Day early morning (2:30 am)outside my new secret laboratory? firecrackers galore and some dude with a loud speaker…’thought about the flare pistol but they were gone by then..another ‘only in Antigua event’.

a rare trip to the City: Zone 1 for an excursion to the main post office(what a great f….king building!)and then to Wow-Mart…after being used to Bodegona for these last few years, going to a huge stadium size mega-store…it took me about 15 minutes to grasp the enormity and start throwing cans into the mini-basket. Tip#1 if you’re looking for rum, Ron Botran has nailed them, and there aren’t any other choices.

funny, after living/working in cities most of my life, how Antigua has narrowed my perceptions…Umbrella#1? lost already…the maid came today, her first foray to Bangalore Bobs..’came home, in the rain…’couldn’t/still can’t find the f….er(umbrella)nope, it’s not up my….looked there…per Frank of Nimpot(he and Angie at O-lot)he has his maid buy six cheapies at the start of the season and he’s covered..also, per Frank…NOT true that he makes his employees show their ‘assets’ on payday..remember the o so tasty ad’s a while back that featured naked babes, faces hidden?

Lava doing ‘veggie burgers’ now…the King’s Head Pub on outer 4th calle? closed..sign says for rent…a bit too far out(distance)…I agree with John Wilbur’s take on locational aspects: tourists will venture 2-3 blocks from their rooms. Antigua by day, much less by night, is confusing per the similarity of the architecture: ‘let’s see..was it beige or pink colored? ‘

Piano Mike on deck,on time..great work ethic, like Nelson on the curb outside of Reilly’s, really to plug in and play…nope, didn’t ‘do’ El Muro’s continuing episode of ‘all you can swill for free’…’whelmed by the City, I am..still..and yes, finally got the revised schedule for Take-a-Lick Abaj for next week…Wed/Thursday..will i be jaded? hope so…

ah, this town and gossip..chisme central..take the case of my present abode: I’d heard tales of horror, woe, crack houses on 4th avenida…all complete and utter bullshit..yeah, i know people who have a different ‘story’ every day…wtf? is that all there is in their life? Shaun of O’Lot still getting flak about firing an employee…he’d been warned by another restauranteur of that person’s proclivity for surreptitious snagging of $$..it goes with the territory: every business, especially the bar biz, has a cash skim…bartenders take it as their ‘right’…the good ones keep it to a minimum and a consistent minimum.

gotta love this country and this town…where else can you have limes and avocados all year around? where else is there an assortment of coffee and chocolate that you’ll never get tired of? case in point…ran outa Fernando’s xlnt espresso bean this morning…Wow-Mart’s choices sucked(why?) but the Whiskey Den? yep…’As Green as it gets’…espresso beans, ready to rock in the morning, or at least get me moving somewhat moreso than now…see you, perhaps, at El Caminante’s ‘show’ tomorrow night…Lucy Luscious? damn…

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