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Posts Tagged ‘strippers’

You probably don’t want to look up the definition….ah, the rains, the buses of kids brought into town, the crowds…and this is just the beginning of a LONG holiday weekend…get to the bank/atms now, before the money is drained and you’re sucking by Monday (money-wise, that is)

if and I repeat if, the reported number of registered ‘sex workers’ (234)in Antigua alone(I asked that specific question)is valid and…and there’s another group of….uh, free lancers, are they tuning up for the festivities?

discounts, ‘specials’…again, I’ve been told that around the evening,  Burger King and the hotel across the street, plus the little park between Antigua/Joco…well, you tell me…I’m busy…screwing with the so-called printers in this town, who don’t answer…’yeah, I’ve got copies of your last book cover and yes, I’ll sell them’….right…how about a price, dipshit?..o gee, forgot to include a price…

Per Neil of Micho’s there’s a storm blowing in from the Pacific side, thru Sunday…o fine..perfect for tomorrow’s little overnighter in Monterrico with HBT (with side trips to special places only he knows about)…right, no camera, for this trip..

Sobremesa/Pappy’s BBQ teaming up with the Mimosa Mamas for a two day brunch blow out…11-2, Sat/Sun..expect me there for Sunday, assuming that HBT doesn’t get me thrown in jail for whatever…and 3pm, sunday, Reilly’s La Esquina for a photo shoot of ‘Corn Hole’…whatever that is but I’m loading up with fresh batteries..’went by early for a look at Fusion/Nido Antigua’s art exibition….spel chuk..exabition? exibition…screw it…showing, ok? ah…ok, but not great..no prices, no red stickers for ‘sold’ marks…gimme panza verde, ok?

and yes, another triumph of  ‘hope over experience’….that little cafe spot around the corner from…corner of 1ist calle-6th avenida, the scene of many disasters…? yep, new faces, looking at signs(not good) and dreaming of making it big in Antigua…and another vain attempt, next to the perfume shop on 5th calle, across from organica? more dreams waiting to crash…

and yes…mold, again? yep….

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I heard it yesterday but it was too strange….’thought I’d verify it(yes, something different)so I spoke with the doctor, the official ‘p….ker checker’ this morning…yep, 234 registered ‘sex workers’ in Antigua…234! I’d imagined that my sources had bumped the number by a factor or 50 or 75%….nope…234, of which over 34 are males…

where do ‘they’ hang out (so to speak)? a friend mentioned that he’d been propositioned last week by a ‘lady’ in a nearby park, who asked a question i’ve never heard of(and I thought I’ve heard them all)….’Would you like to molest me?’…..well, maybe, depending…god, this town never fails to amuse me…

of the 25 copies of ‘A Year of Driving Dangerously’ , printed this week, now down to 1….whoopee! whiskey for my horses, etc..

the ever marvelous Marbel, working 2 or 3 shifts a week at Reilly’s La Esquina…next shift…6pm, Saturday should you wish to gaze upon the very tasty Miss M(I might make that time, depending)…yeah, Lex working at Ricardo’s Tabacos y Vinos…changes abound, like Travel Menu…expanding into the space next door, where there’s a grill so they can really cook…food, you know

‘heard that Las Vibras fish tacos are great….but how big can the f……king taco be to hold a fish, unless it’s a minnow or guppie…speaking of fish, the koi in the pond where i live are supposedly being bombed by bats at night…the guard pointed out what might be nicks in their heads/backs where the bats have swooped down…yeah, I’ve noticed bats at night (in several bars) but not whacking the fish…do we need a Bat Signal on the finca? 234? yeah, confirmed by the doc…you want her name? I have it…

Pat Farrell! back in town, for who knows how long….the extraordinary gorgeous Tanya Hughes, gracing Ocelot and Lava with her presence…how did she get even more beautiful? who cares? only here for a week..alas

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in this case , referring to tattoos…so very very ‘late 1900’s’ kinda stuff….why folks still get ’em is a mystery….’tit’? take that anyway you want…just trying to keep you  abreast of  things, ok?

yeah, I went to Dishwater Saturday night for Nelson’s final performance…Piano Mike’s last event was last night (Sunday) and both of them leave us this week..a big hole in the Antigua music scene, which gets smaller every year…where the hell is Adan, the great Cuban pianist?  speaking of Cuba, Denise the superb server at Ocelot, leaves  us Wednesday and goes back to  medical school in Havana…how cool is that? I’ve never known any  medical students from Cuba and she’s fabulous…I’m  mention Havana more but with all this NSA stuff, I’m not..

Dishaulded has a new tenant in the front space…looks like some kinda performance art, here and there…looks….nah, go see for yourself: I recommend some kinda medication  first.

What was Caffe Opera  on 6th Avenida has been rented and they’re  repainting the interior. What was Restaurant Panchoy on 6th Ave sur is  still under renovation, as is what was Riki’s on  4th Ave…..whew..Bob Chocolate! got the semi-full story on his chocolate process (his brand, IxCacao, is my favorite, btw)….Joe M and HBT on the patio  for happy hour…yeah, we’re cooking up plans for   ‘field research’ of the nasty/naughty kind…hey…this is in the interest of science, ok? 

not sure why, but the new Reilly’s La Esquina had two guards at the  door on Saturday night…I chose the first door(on the left)and was told that it was the exit door….I’m dressed better than 99% of the town and I can’t just walk in? nope….screw it…Travel Menu let me in and took my  $$$…again, the interior of the new place is killer….Steve Wintershaw outdid himself…ok….i opened the  door by using the word in the title…here’s an old friend from ‘Vegas

brianna

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yeah, drink til 3 and piss til 4am…’not sure what the occasion was but around the corner this morning there was bad drums and fuzzy bass guitars til then…no one in the ‘hood’ slept…’might’ve been the Feast of the Mackerel Conception or whatever but after the Burning of the Devil Friday, last night/morning, I was in no shape to go to the Manos de Christine for the BBQ….I WAS the bbq today..’still am…stick a fork in me, cuz I’m done…and of course, the usual  Sunday football game at the stadium just over the hill…more drums…are a lot of folks hearing impaired in this country? about 3am, i thought about letting off a few rounds but no one would/could’ve heard it…even with an AK with tracer ammo…nada, zip, SOL, dude..
i guess that in San Felipe, permits/licenses for such aren’t necessary (the music, not the guns)..

yeah…McAfee will be with us for a month…maybe more, maybe less…’wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t show up in Antigua, once he gets over being ‘stressed out’…he’s perfect for the boys in the park and some of the bars…’heard today that …nope, can’t talk about it..lo siento..

great..now there’s fireworks..mortar bombs goin’ off nearby…I suspect that Monday will be even slower than usual (and that’s saying something)..and the kids..no, skids are greased for 12/12/12’s departure of the 4 Gringos Road Trip up to Rey-hoo…and a big round of applause for James aka Bull/Santiago Durham..a week outa the hospital and he walked to/fro La Bodegona today…not on his skateboard, but walked..and the level of the rum is getting perilously low…wait! there’s wine!…will this day ever end? will I get a good nights sleep? who cares (I do, dammit)…

gun control? use both hands and if the band comes back around…

gun control means using both hands

gun control means using both hands

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Sometimes, living next to tennis courts, is like being married..the same shouts…no love-40, either.

yeah…the newspaper that proclaimed McAfee’s deportation yesterday…oops…Da Judge gave him a few more days to get it together before they ship his addled carcass back to Beleeze…with the dye job and the bad photos, it’s looks like he’s been on a very long and thoroughly whacked out road trip…or boat trip..

tomorrow? an NGO that I know nothing about, Los Manos de Christine, doing a 25q BBQ at 11am…#35 Avenida Norte, at the Lutheran Center…the only ‘manos’ that I’m familiar with are those of Carmen and that’s about every two weeks..and magic.

Red Power? not…tis the brand of some funky dead-ass batteries imported from Red China…yeah, they’re cheap and half the price of Duracells…don’t go there…

The ‘fix’ in is for us at Take-a-Lick Abaj on Wednesday, as long as Hill Billy Tom doesn’t run us into the back of some cane truck on the way to Ray-hoo…a guide, maybe a cop or two on a moto…too bad Reid isn’t back yet…a lot of the usual ‘suspects’, i.e, the winter crowd of pale white gringos are slowly re-appearing in town..Reid’s excuse is that his son hasn’t graduated yet from Police Academy II or 3…Reid! bring a dart gun and a lotta darts…PCP is recommended…for dealing with the 800 lb sow in the pen with the Land Rover. Any darts left over can be used around the park.

Alright…Civic Improvement time and good PR for Guatemala’s badly tarnished international image…the idea of the tuk-tuk races didn’t fly..and the idea of staged shoot-outs between narcos and the PNC hasn’t grabbed anyone…nor the nude chocolate mud-wrestling events…god, where’s the imagination? feature this…there’s a national/international bread company that sells here…and with a contest for someone babelicious, some press coverage and TV cameras, Antigua could get some decent PR….I’m volunteering to be a judge, for as any of my friends will testify, if anyone is an expert in such, tis me…ta da! Miss Bimbo!

Brenda aka Brianna

Brenda aka Brianna

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the rain…drizzle drizzle…kept me in(and probably just as well, you say)..however the Bacardi Anejo and espresso kinda make up for it.

 

Walter Fischer and his partners, who picked up Juan Carlos’ defunct Antigua Bus Tour, have repainted the bus(his says they’re adding another 3) and…so on and so on..the bus is being seen driven around town, which is a start.

And you thought that times are hard? my favorite newspaper vendor is selling off her personal jewelry…lotta silver, some gold

 

So? the 2nd or 3rd Festival de Maiz (Corn Fest) that I’ve been to…I ran into an ex-INGUAT official who didn’t know anything about it…I asked an Antigua-born guide about it..zip, nada..for people who are in the tourism business, one would assume, etc.

news from our wandering troubador, Nelson Lunding..he’s way up on the northern california coast, in places that few of us have ever been to, much less heard of..#1..point Arena? #2 Gualala?..I know ’em both..big deal, right? WTF in either case..too far south to pick up any of the Emerald Triangle aka dope biz from Humboldt..who knows?

the ‘Perfessor aka Mike Donley, checking in from the Pacific northwest…says he’s ‘sold’ his boat’…o please, God…the two happiest days for a boat owner are the day they buy it and the day they sell it..s’posed to be back in A-Town around the end of October and a good thing…at least two ‘professional women’ have confused the two of us…as being the one and same…since my hands are clean, my conscience clear, it’s gotta be him..

final thoughts on a rainy Friday night and a conversation with a pub owner re: nightlife..the Three Aces in Hyderabad, Athens/Mykonos, the Bulldog/Amsterdam, El Gato Tueto/Havana, Lips/San Salvador, Hotel Del Rey/San Jose, Club Exotic/Reykejvik, The Library, ‘Vegas, (fuggedabout Crazyhorse II), Patpong Street, Bangkok, Copa de Oro, Juarez and for local color, Club Exceso in Xela..Antigua well never catch up or come back to what it might once have been: get over it. The Beige Patrol runs it. 

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usually in a .22 or .32 caliber…not here…gotta have a 9mm or an AK-47….a murder this morning at 4am or such in San Felipe…and those pesky Mayan ladies banned from the park for selling their goods? even though they’ve been paying 300q a month for the privilege?   get this town cleaned up!….’heard that the Arms Museum is going into the Palacio…also heard an earful or two about Da Mayor’s track record/baggage/history….7 farmacias, a finger in the tuc-tuc biz and exactly how much is 27 million quetzals in $USD? my calculator gagged on the numbers..I’d been thinking(sic) that it was around $300-$400k but Taz/Plumb Bob said it was in the ‘millions of dollars.’..

likewise assumed that…’assume equals ass-u-me’…perfect’ that Jason was back per his green Triumph Bonneville parked in fromt of O’lot…wrong, scotch-breath…Taz riding/using it..the ever delightful Miss E providing biting social comments…observations..

an observer/reader of this raggedy ass excuse complained/observed that it’s lame/puerile/dumb and not much…right! of course!..never was, never will be and not intended to shine any light or provide anything more than a dim light into the corners of what used to be my mind and my daily experiences in town…like walking into Elle and Mo in the park earlier…they leave tomorrow and back to Canada/Toronto…it was a great week for them and now…married? the real adventure begins! jeez..’gives me the chills thinking about starting a new relationship, much less a legal deal like marriage..but hey, they’re young and in love: me, I’m just jaundiced/cynical. And one of our local bar owners asked why I’m never around about midnight, to see a different part of Antigua’s nightlife..

dude..think about it: Antigua’s night life is lame, slow and the highpoint is either dancing on the bar or getting your ass thrown out, into the street. At 68, I’ve done twice this shit, from Bangkok to Amsterdam, San Salvador to Costa Rica..where the drugs are better, the clubs are better and the women more beautiful…don’t get me wrong: this is my home and I like it, just the way it is…lame, slow and charming…two of which words describe me(A and B)..tomorrow? the Box Dudes provided reasonable facsimiles! progress, Guatemalan style..a map of Antigua is in the next print version and I’ll stick it in the next Amazon version..whoopee, right?..

it’ll be semi-amusing to see who shows up for the Pub Quiz at Ocelot tomorrow night..

 

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